[He manages to make it to his side with a half smile, a hand running through his hair. He's still feeling that sort of restlessness, but things are starting to return to normal in the city as it always did.]
Yeah, I remember how you said things were for you back home. And seeing as we didn't have a choice--
It just seemed shitty. [And Steve was also dealing with nightmares about some super powerful big bad turning his town into actual hell. But the thought was there.]
[He's not the best person at comforting others, but he rests his hand on Steve's arm for a moment to reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere. The strong drink should help otherwise.]
It was shitty as you say. I think I've told you before that I prefer this place for a lot of reasons – I wouldn't want to leave by force.
[There were people that he missed of course, but it was a very small number.]
[The pat on his arm gets a small smile from him. He doesn’t need a whole lot of actual comfort, and the flask probably helps more than he would admit. Once the cap is off, he takes a swig. Another sweep of his hair, and he takes a breath.]
Yeah, yeah. Maybe. I guess I don’t even know what else to talk about. I’m still kind of shaken up, and it sucks because no one from home is here, and the one person who was, I’m pretty sure he died and didn’t tell me.
[ Thomas decides to let Steve hold onto the flask for the time being, feeling that the younger man may need it more than he did. He walks at a leisurely pace, making sure that Steve doesn't fall out of step beside him. ]
I am sorry to hear that about your friend. Perhaps he didn't want to upset you, Steve. I don't have anyone from home either, so I understand that it can be difficult at times.
[He smiles wryly.]
Even if not everyone from my home likes my company.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I just wish I got to... say something before he left here.
[That's probably one of the things he's struggling with. He takes another quick drink before offering it back to Thomas, not wanting to hog it.]
Really? [That's almost a shock to him, though he has talked about how things were different for him back home, being harder to open up.]
Well if they showed up here, I'm sure they'd think different. That is one of the good things about this place. It's not home. [For most people that was a good thing.]
[Thomas is assuming they were quite close, based on what Steve had said so far. When the flask is offered to him, he takes it with a smile and swigs from it.] Really.
[He swigs from the flask again.]
Maybe they would think differently. However, I'm not so sure some of them would adjust so easily to this place. They're very...stuck in their ways.
Thanks. [He sighs, knowing it's something he might just have to deal with. If he ever does see Eddie again though, he'll be a lot more appreciative.]
We just keep losing a lot of people. [And with whatever it is he's seen, he doesn't think it's over.]
Well the one thing about Duplicity is we don't have a lot of choices. They'd have to accept it or end up in People Zoo or Realignment. [Both of which he has now experienced in the last two months.]
We do. [Thomas nods with agreement.] My submissive left quite recently.
And you're right about us not having a lot of choice either. Despite how they feel about me, I also wouldn't want them to go through any of those experiences. So I suppose I'd have to help them adjust to the rules here.
[He holds the flask out towards Steve, glancing around for a place to sit.]
But I don't know for certain if anyone I know will ever come here.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. [He's been lucky that he's had Yelena the whole time he's needed a contract, but he has heard about this, and it seems like such a pain.
Steve takes the flask and takes another drink, he's heading toward one of the gazebos that has benches. With the flowers starting to bloom, it is nice out.]
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I mean Eddie was here, but he was only here for a couple months. I kinda hope the kids I know don't ever show up here. But I was the only one from home before Eddie came, and now I'm the only one again. So I guess... it just is what it is. And if anyone else shows up, I guess we'll help where we can then.
But I think they'd rather see someone they know here than not. Because sometimes this place gets rough, and it would just be nice to have someone, you know? [Not that he isn't appreciative of people like Thomas, because he didn't have to come out there, but home is still home.]
Thank you. Hopefully, I'll find someone else. [Thomas knows he has a few months, but he'd feel better the sooner he gets another contract.
He notices where Steve is headed and makes his way over. It was a lovely spot.]
Having a familiar face around can certainly help with the transition into the city. Since I never found that for myself, I decided it would be easier to befriend others who came from a similar time period. And it was easier. They understood.
[Something that Thomas was very grateful for.]
You understand as well. Even if you are decades ahead of me.
[Steve heads over to take a seat, sitting back on the bench so his back rests on the wooden backboard of the gazebo. He sighs, feeling the beginnings of the alcohol hitting him. Well at the very least this seems to be helping. He really did need to just get out and maybe talk it out with someone.]
Yeah, I’ve tried to do that, too. I know this place is like wildly different from your home, and you kinda arrived here like right when I just started accepting myself instead of ignoring what was happening. It’s definitely made some things easier here since.
[Thomas sits in the spot next to him, leaving enough room to breathe. The gazebo reminds him of the fancier parks he had visited back home with the Crawleys. When he served them tea and coffee.]
I'm glad you decided to accept yourself and found a way forward. It took me some time to not be afraid of my desires - part of me still felt I needed to hide, despite being so far away from home. I snuck around when making quota. Now? I'm much bolder.
I think it was figuring it all out. I mean there are gay people back home, but you don’t really see bisexual. And if you do they’re probably just made fun of in the same way gay people are.
[And here Steve likes the attentions from both genders as much.]
Then I kind of just had to be okay with that. Which I am. I don’t think about it a whole lot, but now I don’t really care who I end up with if I like them. I don’t need an excuse like aphros. Plus then it makes things feel… I don’t know? [A hand moves to the back of his head.] More genuine. Which is something I’ve been looking for even back home.
[He nods a little, more introspection coming out than even he’s aware of. Steve takes another drink and passes the flask again.]
Makes sense that you’d hide. You’d want to make sure you were safe. But I’m glad you’re more comfortable. We both deserve that.
[He falls silent as he listens to Steve, interested in what he had to say. Thomas had learned about different labels in the city and what people liked to use whenever they talked about whom they were attracted to.]
You're absolutely right. We do deserve it.
[Taking a sip from the flask, Thomas continues.]
Having a genuine connection with another person can be very fulfilling. I've discovered a few of those here already, and I want them to continue for as long as possible. The way I see it, you have to do all you can to make yourself happy. It took me a while to realise that.
[He pauses for a moment, wondering if he should expand on what he was thinking about.]
Anyway. I know you don't have any trouble in attracting the right kind of attention.
I mean I get a lot of attention. I always have. That probably sounds like something stupid to complain about, but it's not always genuine. And it can be fun-- I'm not complaining about that, but I can probably only count on one hand the number of people on one hand I can talk to like this. Back home? Even less.
[So he is actually appreciative of this. And to think he really did message Thomas to check on him, and it turned into this. He's okay with that though, feeling more relaxed and comfortable now.]
Then I'm sorry it took so long to find people you can talk to in a genuine way. I would like to learn more about you, Steve, and maybe I will feel comfortable enough to share things about myself too.
[He means it.]
I don't think I told you how I injured my hand, did I? [Thomas shows off his gloved hand.] A bullet went right through it when I was in the trenches. Then they sent me home.
[Steve looks over at Thomas and considers him. They've had a very straightforward sort of relationship so far, but he's always felt taken seriously by the other man, and he realizes now just how much he's appreciated that. His smile softens a little before his eyes travel to his hand.]
From the war? [That was about as far as they had gotten before. Steve can't imagine getting shot, and while he's sure the hand is still affected, there are definitely worse places.]
Yes. The Great War as it came to be known. [He rubs at the back of his hand idly, thinking about his time in the trenches and how awful it was. How he didn't want to be there.]
I get pains in my hand now and again, but I don't think there is anything I can do about it. At least I survived.
[He pauses, heaving out a sigh.]
There was a soldier who was blinded by mustard gas so he was sent home to the hospital in Yorkshire. I was home by then and had started helping out with the injured soldiers. I got to know him - I developed feelings for him. But he passed away.
Yeah, we know it by the First World War. [Since there were two in his time.
Steve sits back and listens, not entirely knowing where the story is going, but it's interesting to hear the perspective of someone who lived something he's only read about in History class.]
Oh man. I'm sorry, Thomas. That's probably even harder in your time. With everything you've told me about what gay people have gone through. Doesn't seem fair.
Thank you. [He gave Steve a grateful look.] It isn’t fair. I didn’t even know if he would have felt the same way either. And if he did, we would have needed to be discreet.
[Despite the painful memories, he felt a sense of relief at being able to talk about it.]
I appreciate you listening to me. I don’t trust people so easily and I feel like I can trust you.
I can't imagine having to go through all of that. [War, death, having to hide how much you care about someone. He has a deep respect for everything that Thomas has gone through. Gently he reaches out to put his hand gently on the other man's.]
Don't even sweat it. I'm glad you can feel comfortable here. At the very least you deserve that. I know it can't be easy, but you've got a friend in me. [At minimum. Steve might even consider it a little more than that, but he's also not the best with labels and things himself.]
[Thomas feels a swell of emotion when Steve's hand cover his own. He also felt vulnerable in that moment, but it was alright. Steve made him feel better about it.]
You also have a friend in me, Steve. I might need to work on it from time to time, but I will do my best to be there for you.
[He places his hand over Steve's before leaning in towards him slowly, pressing a light kiss to his lips, pulling back afterwards.]
That's alright. I kinda know what it's like to need to work on things. [He gives an understanding nod. When Thomas leans in, Steve reciprocates, wanting to kiss him now anyway. Thomas deserves to know he's safe here with him. It's not entirely heated, but he pulls away just slightly to look back at him.]
Promise I'll still be here. [He can understand someone trying to find themselves and learn more about how to sort of function.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-04 11:29 pm (UTC)I'm glad to see you. I meant to send you a message before we were supposed to all leave.
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Date: 2023-04-04 11:33 pm (UTC)How thoughtful of you to want to send me a message. I won't ask what it would have said, but it is nice to see you also.
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Date: 2023-04-04 11:37 pm (UTC)Yeah, I remember how you said things were for you back home. And seeing as we didn't have a choice--
It just seemed shitty. [And Steve was also dealing with nightmares about some super powerful big bad turning his town into actual hell. But the thought was there.]
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Date: 2023-04-05 07:50 am (UTC)It was shitty as you say. I think I've told you before that I prefer this place for a lot of reasons – I wouldn't want to leave by force.
[There were people that he missed of course, but it was a very small number.]
We can talk about something else if you prefer.
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Date: 2023-04-05 02:06 pm (UTC)Yeah, yeah. Maybe. I guess I don’t even know what else to talk about. I’m still kind of shaken up, and it sucks because no one from home is here, and the one person who was, I’m pretty sure he died and didn’t tell me.
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Date: 2023-04-05 02:45 pm (UTC)I am sorry to hear that about your friend. Perhaps he didn't want to upset you, Steve. I don't have anyone from home either, so I understand that it can be difficult at times.
[He smiles wryly.]
Even if not everyone from my home likes my company.
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Date: 2023-04-05 02:53 pm (UTC)[That's probably one of the things he's struggling with. He takes another quick drink before offering it back to Thomas, not wanting to hog it.]
Really? [That's almost a shock to him, though he has talked about how things were different for him back home, being harder to open up.]
Well if they showed up here, I'm sure they'd think different. That is one of the good things about this place. It's not home. [For most people that was a good thing.]
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Date: 2023-04-05 04:09 pm (UTC)[Thomas is assuming they were quite close, based on what Steve had said so far. When the flask is offered to him, he takes it with a smile and swigs from it.]
Really.
[He swigs from the flask again.]
Maybe they would think differently. However, I'm not so sure some of them would adjust so easily to this place. They're very...stuck in their ways.
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Date: 2023-04-05 04:28 pm (UTC)We just keep losing a lot of people. [And with whatever it is he's seen, he doesn't think it's over.]
Well the one thing about Duplicity is we don't have a lot of choices. They'd have to accept it or end up in People Zoo or Realignment. [Both of which he has now experienced in the last two months.]
I wouldn't wish those on anyone.
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Date: 2023-04-05 04:53 pm (UTC)And you're right about us not having a lot of choice either. Despite how they feel about me, I also wouldn't want them to go through any of those experiences. So I suppose I'd have to help them adjust to the rules here.
[He holds the flask out towards Steve, glancing around for a place to sit.]
But I don't know for certain if anyone I know will ever come here.
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Date: 2023-04-05 05:04 pm (UTC)Steve takes the flask and takes another drink, he's heading toward one of the gazebos that has benches. With the flowers starting to bloom, it is nice out.]
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I mean Eddie was here, but he was only here for a couple months. I kinda hope the kids I know don't ever show up here. But I was the only one from home before Eddie came, and now I'm the only one again. So I guess... it just is what it is. And if anyone else shows up, I guess we'll help where we can then.
But I think they'd rather see someone they know here than not. Because sometimes this place gets rough, and it would just be nice to have someone, you know? [Not that he isn't appreciative of people like Thomas, because he didn't have to come out there, but home is still home.]
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Date: 2023-04-05 06:22 pm (UTC)He notices where Steve is headed and makes his way over. It was a lovely spot.]
Having a familiar face around can certainly help with the transition into the city. Since I never found that for myself, I decided it would be easier to befriend others who came from a similar time period. And it was easier. They understood.
[Something that Thomas was very grateful for.]
You understand as well. Even if you are decades ahead of me.
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Date: 2023-04-05 09:14 pm (UTC)Yeah, I’ve tried to do that, too. I know this place is like wildly different from your home, and you kinda arrived here like right when I just started accepting myself instead of ignoring what was happening. It’s definitely made some things easier here since.
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Date: 2023-04-05 09:30 pm (UTC)I'm glad you decided to accept yourself and found a way forward. It took me some time to not be afraid of my desires - part of me still felt I needed to hide, despite being so far away from home. I snuck around when making quota. Now? I'm much bolder.
[Pursuing whom and what he wanted.]
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Date: 2023-04-05 09:36 pm (UTC)[And here Steve likes the attentions from both genders as much.]
Then I kind of just had to be okay with that. Which I am. I don’t think about it a whole lot, but now I don’t really care who I end up with if I like them. I don’t need an excuse like aphros. Plus then it makes things feel… I don’t know? [A hand moves to the back of his head.] More genuine. Which is something I’ve been looking for even back home.
[He nods a little, more introspection coming out than even he’s aware of. Steve takes another drink and passes the flask again.]
Makes sense that you’d hide. You’d want to make sure you were safe. But I’m glad you’re more comfortable. We both deserve that.
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Date: 2023-04-05 10:14 pm (UTC)You're absolutely right. We do deserve it.
[Taking a sip from the flask, Thomas continues.]
Having a genuine connection with another person can be very fulfilling. I've discovered a few of those here already, and I want them to continue for as long as possible. The way I see it, you have to do all you can to make yourself happy. It took me a while to realise that.
[He pauses for a moment, wondering if he should expand on what he was thinking about.]
Anyway. I know you don't have any trouble in attracting the right kind of attention.
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Date: 2023-04-05 10:38 pm (UTC)[So he is actually appreciative of this. And to think he really did message Thomas to check on him, and it turned into this. He's okay with that though, feeling more relaxed and comfortable now.]
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Date: 2023-04-10 01:04 pm (UTC)[He means it.]
I don't think I told you how I injured my hand, did I? [Thomas shows off his gloved hand.] A bullet went right through it when I was in the trenches. Then they sent me home.
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Date: 2023-04-10 08:40 pm (UTC)From the war? [That was about as far as they had gotten before. Steve can't imagine getting shot, and while he's sure the hand is still affected, there are definitely worse places.]
You're okay though?
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Date: 2023-04-12 09:14 pm (UTC)I get pains in my hand now and again, but I don't think there is anything I can do about it. At least I survived.
[He pauses, heaving out a sigh.]
There was a soldier who was blinded by mustard gas so he was sent home to the hospital in Yorkshire. I was home by then and had started helping out with the injured soldiers. I got to know him - I developed feelings for him. But he passed away.
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Date: 2023-04-21 05:06 am (UTC)Steve sits back and listens, not entirely knowing where the story is going, but it's interesting to hear the perspective of someone who lived something he's only read about in History class.]
Oh man. I'm sorry, Thomas. That's probably even harder in your time. With everything you've told me about what gay people have gone through. Doesn't seem fair.
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Date: 2023-04-24 10:48 am (UTC)[Despite the painful memories, he felt a sense of relief at being able to talk about it.]
I appreciate you listening to me. I don’t trust people so easily and I feel like I can trust you.
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Date: 2023-05-04 08:24 pm (UTC)Don't even sweat it. I'm glad you can feel comfortable here. At the very least you deserve that. I know it can't be easy, but you've got a friend in me. [At minimum. Steve might even consider it a little more than that, but he's also not the best with labels and things himself.]
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Date: 2023-05-16 01:16 pm (UTC)You also have a friend in me, Steve. I might need to work on it from time to time, but I will do my best to be there for you.
[He places his hand over Steve's before leaning in towards him slowly, pressing a light kiss to his lips, pulling back afterwards.]
no subject
Date: 2023-05-18 01:27 am (UTC)Promise I'll still be here. [He can understand someone trying to find themselves and learn more about how to sort of function.]
we can wrap here if you like c:
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